In Lock-Down but Never Locked

This story is part of the literary competition created by In Trieste magazine in collaboration with Comune di Trieste called “Stories from Trieste to the World” which was open to all female writers living in Trieste as part of the annual “Festa della Donna” initiative by the city of Trieste.

by Kay Cabral

I came to Trieste November of 2019 with all my hopes and excitement of fulfilling my ultimate dream of becoming a full-pledged scientist. I was more than elated when I learned the Trieste is one of the best cities to be in if science is where you felt passionately about. It has been identified as “The City of Knowledge”, with more than 30 research institutions, universities and S&T centers, and about 8,000 scientists. But come March 2020 with the announcement of the nationwide lockdown because of a pandemic my heart was filled with fears. Together with the whole world I was faced with the fear of not knowing what lies presently because it was something very unfamiliar. Everything that lies ahead became a blur. 

While other people were out fighting for their lives, I was trying to figure out how my day will start and end. I felt guilty that while other people put their lives out there for the community, they had to fight for their own lives as well and meanwhile I was selfishly worrying about my daily tasks. I was bombarded with questions of “Where do I fight?”, “Who do I fight for?”, “How do I fight?”. I desperately looked for purpose. I’m a scientist, I should be doing something. As a molecular biologist I should be helping in the fight against the virus.

I was robbed away of what was “used-to-be”, the whole world was robbed of the sense of normalcy. It made us all scared. Calming words from my family came-in though, “Things will be better eventually. Maybe not as soon as we want it but one day, someday. Do not worry too much. Always stay safe. We love you and we need you to stay strong”. I know these words maybe cliché to some during that time, but hearing words like – I need to stay strong for them were some of the words most of us held on. I had to face this “new” reality head-on, we all were forced to. Yes, it became scary and we had all the right to be. I realized, even if the pandemic robbed me of the chance of working on my experiments in the lab, I was not robbed of the basic truth that being a scientist is in me. That nothing and no one can take it away. With everything that is happening, I should strive to become a better scientist. The pandemic clearly showed how the world needs molecular medicine to improve and progress to help in the world’s battle of giving better options for treatment of patients and finding effective ways to diagnose diseases. 

I was fortunate that in times of distraught, two inspiring scientists were able to help me find my purpose. Both Dr Caecilia Sukowati, my supervisor and Dr Claudio Tiribelli, the Director of Fondazione Italiana Fegato encouraged me to write a review article during the time of lockdown. I somehow felt us being accountable to each other as we made this paper writing a means for us to still  go on, even if everything was unclear. Hence, I rediscovered a sense of fulfillment and purpose. 

After a few adjustments with the pandemic – everything tried to become normal. The planned scientific conferences were reformatted to virtual platforms. However, there are still some activities like “Trieste Next” that was held during September 2020, which we were able to enjoy physically. Me and my colleagues were able to volunteer and participate in it as usual just observing COVID precautions. It is during our participation in Trieste Next that I realized how Trieste was indeed the place to be if you want to enjoy a passion in science and knowledge. Pandemic or not, locked-down or not, Trieste never locked its potential of becoming the city of knowledge.