Words: Yuliia Kirdoda
Illustration: Olha Polonska
Moving abroad for love is like playing the Russian roulette, as matters of the heart are never straightforward. If things don’t work out as expected, the consequences might hurt, or it might be the best-ever life decision for the winners.
Love has many variations; it is not always about a romantic partner. We feel love for family members and friends, or for a place or thing. Even though everyone’s situation is different, love will always be a significant part of the life equation. But is it enough to change your life and start from scratch in a new country, leaving behind a part of yourself?
I interviewed Ivana, Mateja, Misha and Leah, expat women in Trieste, asking them to share their stories, the difficulties they encountered along the way, and suggestions for those considering relocating to Trieste. Four different generations, four different stories but one thing in common: all of them had made the life-changing decision because of love, and it paid off. Would you move to another country for love? Let their stories be an inspiration for you!
Ivana, a 19 year old Croatian writer, moved to Trieste with her Italian fiancé this summer. Three years back, their story started with online chatting. They got engaged in 2022 during summer vacation in one of the most beautiful places in Italy – Sicily. Afterwards they moved to Trieste, where her boyfriend is from, and started to build their life. Ivana entered university and, started working on her writing career. This one wasn’t an easy decision but her boyfriend’s support helped her overcome fear and doubts.
Mateja, a 27 year old Croatian girl, works as a neuropsychologist. At 18 she left her home to study in the UK where she fell madly in love with an Italian guy. Her idea after the university was to continue the specialization somewhere, but not in the UK. How did they end up in Italy? First, Brexit sped up the process, and second, she found a university program in English in Pavia. She decided to give it a try. Two years of university passed fast, but the Covid situation worsened the Italian experience. They were thinking of leaving as they were far from their families. Fortunately, her boyfriend got a job transfer to Trieste, which is a perfect border location.
Misha, a 42 year old woman from the Czech Republic. Currently, she is a stay-at-home mom, raising four beautiful daughters. While studying at the university, her plan was to do conflict management on an international level which lead her to studying psychology in parallel with a Master’s degree in International Relations. Plus, she loves learning foreign languages (her list includes 10!). However, life always brings the unexpected. She met a Sicilian guy who came to Prague for work. Afterwards, the decision to move to Italy was quite straightforward thanks to her husband’s job. In 2005 she relocated to Milan and, after a couple of years, their family ended up in Trieste.
Leah, a 59 year old a marketing specialist from the USA. In 2016 she came to Trieste for the first time, and this trip became pivotal. When she took her first steps in the city with its charming architecture, Leah got a feeling that she had never had before – “It’s my home. I am in love with this city”. That sunny December day sitting at Caffè degli Specchi in the beautiful Piazza Unità d’Italia, she was watching the wedding coming out of the Municipal Office. Could she have ever imagined that just a couple of years later she would be coming out of that office herself? At first, she fell in love with Trieste, and then this city gifted her love.
What was the most difficult part about moving to Trieste?
Ivana: Well, the worst thing is the language barrier. When I was doing documents here or traveling around Italy, many Italians didn’t know English or other foreign languages well. Although I was learning and trying to speak Italian, it was not enough.
Mateja: Covid! It was Covid when we moved to Trieste. Everything was closed, and it was impossible to do anything. But it was not Trieste; it was Italy in general. Also, making a career here was challenging, and I am still afraid of that! It’s not easy to enter anywhere, especially public jobs! So, the biggest issues for me are bureaucracy and the economic situation.
Misha: Italian bureaucracy! Even living here for more than 15 years, it is still an issue! Another thing that I experienced as a cultural shock was maternity leave. In the Czech Republic, we have 3 years of maternity leave, and here babies around 4 months go to asilo nido (kindergarten). Another problem that I faced was the school system which, in my opinion, needs improvement. Plus the labor market is very static, so searching for a job is not so fun.
Leah: For sure, it’s the language! The bad thing is that I can understand much more than I can say. It’s especially difficult on the phone when I can’t see the face of the person I am talking to. So, the most difficult is communication and then understanding bureaucracy.
What would you tell expats planning to move to Trieste for love?
Ivana: Give it a try! The worst thing that can happen is they will lose a bit of money. Otherwise, they’re going to have the time of their lives! There are a lot of nice things here! Lovely parks around, and you can go to neighboring countries on the weekend as they are so close!
Mateja: I think it really depends on your expectations. People like myself need to start from scratch as I don’t have a remote job. Many people who moved here are digital nomads. It’s a perfect city for them because they can always work from home and rents are lower than in the rest of Italy.
Misha: I think people should consider carefully what their career expectations are. Because depending on the country you come from, you may be really surprised how little dynamic the labor market there is. Another point is to be ready to face Italian bureaucracy and be ready not to be able to communicate in English in many public places. If you have children, I would also think about the school system differences.
Leah: The one thing I wish to tell people, particularly women, is not to be afraid to take a chance. When they’re getting older, I think women believe that life has passed them by. And if I had thought that way, I wouldn’t be here now. I’m going to be 60 years old, and all these things happening to me started with my decision not to be afraid to travel by myself years ago.
What is love for you?
Ivana: It is support when you need it. It’s doing things for you that you love.
Mateja: Love is my boyfriend and my parents. Love is about caring. It’s a safe place where you can truly be yourself. And I think love is the most essential thing in life. If I don’t have that, I don’t have anything.
Misha: It is complex question asit could mean love in a couple as well as motherly love. In the first case, love is accepting that the other person is different, letting the other be free to fulfil their potential. It is also about self-love, overcoming difficulties together, and looking in the same direction. It’s about respect, which is definitely the most important ingredient of love.
Leah: I love Trieste because of how good I feel here. It’s the kind of city that makes you feel welcome no matter where you are from. Falling in love with another person is when somebody understands you and knows what makes you happy or sad. It’s hard to explain but, mostly, when you want somebody to be happy, you know, you are in love!
